Sunday, January 29, 2012

Fireside Reflections on the “F” Word


Perhaps it is a caveman thing.  Something left behind from our knuckle dragging days.  I can’t help but find myself enchanted with a roaring fire.  It was a relatively low key day around the magnificent Butler Estates.  A short trip to the grocery store was really all that was on the agenda.  The pace of our lives these days is certainly not likely to break any land speed records, but who am I to complain?  We still feel quite restless at times and miss our love of labor and our labor of love back in the States, but we will have plenty of time for that in our lives.  On our trip back from the grocery store we received a call.  The owner of the Chateau wanted to know if we would be interested in a load of firewood.  I couldn’t help but laugh at the inquiry since we have been requesting wood for the better part of two months now, but that is the French way . . . no hurry.  We were pleased to accept the generosity and made arrangements to catch up with him when we arrived home.

The fire wood turned out to be a bit out of the ordinary and its procurement was as much of a favor to them as a treat for us.  They needed to clear out an old cellar to begin renovations at the house next to ours, so their youngest son and I set about transferring wheelbarrow upon wheelbarrow from one location to the next.  Seeing that my eldest son was wanting for some activity, I enlisted his help as well.  The “firewood” turned out to be an old stockpile of grape vines that had outlived their usefulness in the fields and provided for a great bit of conversation that turned into quite an education for my son and I both.  In an industry of “waste not, want not”, everything is put to use.  I have seen fences made of old wine barrels and beverages made from rotten grapes, so nothing surprises me.  As it turns out, the sale of old vines is as lucrative for some as the growing of the grapes themselves.  There is actually an export market for the vines for use in BBQ and evidently creates a unique taste that I will certainly try in coming days.  There is also a face cream that is created with this byproduct.  Who knew?

The conversation was charming and truly informative, perhaps even more so for my eldest than for myself.  I suspect he was paying little attention to the conversation about the vines, but his ears seemed to perk up a bit when the conversation shifted to our progress with the language.  The owner’s son is somewhere in his mid-twenties and as I have described him in prior posts, is something out of a print add for Armani.  He commented that my eldest was doing well with the language and indicated that we have done something great for our son.  “To know French and English . . . it’s perfect.”, he said.  “English is good for the business and French is good for the girls”.  I turned an eye toward my son and he was grinning ear to ear.  This was a confirmation of advice that he had already received from his father, but meant much more coming from this young man.  Dad is old and bald, but this guy . . . well just look at him, he MUST know what he is talking about.  I have repeatedly told my son that once he reaches a certain age, his interests in the fairer sex would certainly be furthered by his triumphant return to France.  I think he now agrees.

The conversation once again shifted to the young man’s recent trip to the US.  When asked what he thought, he seemed less than impressed.  He spent several months in our homeland, bouncing between Miami, Los Angeles and New York City.  His perceptions were fresh and interesting.  Certainly youthful in their sentiment, yet remarkably wise as well.  He commented that having been there for some time, he was having trouble ridding himself of the word “fuck” when speaking in English.  He said that everything is “fuck” this and “fuck” that.  I lost some of my lady like demeanor as a string of snot shot from my nose when I erupted into laughter.  He puzzled over it a bit and said that he had a very hard time at first understanding what people were trying to convey to him when they used the term “fuck”.  This revelation transformed my prior snort and chuckle into a fit of laughter I found difficult to control.  His second impression was a bit more depressing.  He was curious if American’s ever read.  “Do they read things?” he asked.  “Everything is the Cinema, no culture”.  Geez, this guy is twenty something and complaining that America is lacking in culture?  A playboy wine maker makes landfall in South Beach and his comment is “Sure, it is good for partying, but no culture.”  My laughter grew quiet and I suddenly felt embarrassed.

Soon our labor was at an end and we bid each other farewell.  Ordinarily, the sting of this type of criticism of the land of the free and home of the brave would leave a lasting welt on my American ego, but recent experiences of my own here in France deflected the blow a bit.  I have encountered an ugly side effect of the French system.  What do you get when you tell your people that they are “entitled” to certain benefits by nature of their citizenship?  You get a good number of people whose sense of entitlement knows no bounds.  Let me give you a couple of examples.  While in the grocery store, we were patiently waiting in a very long line and watched as a couple (that I would have guessed to be in their later sixties) cut in line in front of us and two other patrons and simply started unloading their cart onto the counter.  They in fact shuffled someone’s articles to the back to make room for their own.  Not so much as a word was spoken.  Not knowing the proper response I kept my mouth shut.  I wanted unleash a fury of good old American “fuck this and fuck that and fuck you’s” on them, but instead I held my breath.  In looking around at every other shoppers disgust I caught sight of the sign . . . we were in the handicapped line.

It is an unwritten rule here in France that those with a handicap (advanced age being a handicap) are entitled to a place in line ahead of all other able bodied clients.  I can’t argue with the concept.  I would gladly give up my spot to anyone in need and certainly have a better chance of standing for half an hour in line than an elderly person walking with a cane.  I do, however, have an expectation that if such concessions are expected, the person moving to the front of the line would at least indicate their desire to do so and provide their fellow shoppers with a nice “thank you”.  These people didn’t thank a soul and were not so elderly as they had any mobility issues at all.  They simply were old enough to qualify for the advancement and took full advantage without the slightest remorse.  It was like watching people parking in the handicapped spots at Wal-mart back in the good old USA.  Their only handicap being rampant obesity that would only be assisted by a long walk through a parking lot.  These folks were old, that was their only claim to fame.  And still I thought to myself, who am I to complain.  I am half their age, so why not?  A thank you would have been great, but the rule is the rule.  Why let this ruin my day.

For a split second, I was proud of myself.  Real emotional growth!  Then it happened.  I looked to my left and there in the able bodied line stood a woman who was easily 10 years older than these folks and walked with a clear limp.  She was smiling at me with one of the sweetest grins I have ever seen.  Her look said it all.  She felt for our plight and found the other couple’s behavior as deplorable as I had.  Once again my anger began to grow.  It grew to the point that the wife and I pulled ourselves out of line and took up real estate behind the woman with the nice smile.  She immediately turned around and commented that it drove her husband crazy to see people like this as well.  She had clearly been standing there watching my emotions play out on my face.  Evidently I shouldn’t head to Vegas any time soon . . . my Poker face sucks.

 The second example I would like to share occurs every time I get in my car and pick my kids up from school.  I will inevitably run across someone that thinks they own the road.  The French have an uncanny way of gumming up the works.  They will block lanes of traffic to carry on a conversation.  They will make it nearly impossible to enter a building while they kissy face with an acquaintance in the doorway.  Entitlement . . . if left unchecked, it is easily as evil as the fattened bigotry found in my own homeland.  And yes, this is as much of a generalization as saying all American’s are movie loving fat fucks (there’s that word again).  Neither society is perfect.  We all have room for improvement.  “Societal warts” is how I like to refer to them . . . kind of like genital warts with less inflammation.  Like a hairy mole on your face, it is a blemish that you can’t disguise.  Everyone around you pretends not to notice and yet can’t take their eyes off of it either.  I love the French.  They have my number and I have theirs.  They can clearly see my faults as they are awfully hard to hide and at the same time they make no effort to hide their own.  I respect that.  Oh say can you fucking see, by the dawn’s early light . . . What so proudly we hailed at the Twilight Movie’s last screening?  Whose broad ass and bright stars . . .  Not such a pretty way to face the world is it.  Indeed our perceptions of each other are biased, but there clearly is an element of truth in there somewhere.  Perhaps the owner’s son was right, we have the opportunity to take the best from both worlds.  Extract that which is good for business and good for the girls and leave the rest behind.  Now those are words to live by.   R.

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