Day 125 Mark 2

Strategic Homeland Intervention, Enforcement and Logistics Division . . . My life as FILTH.


First off, I would like to apologize to all of you Marvel purists out there.  I used the movie version of the famous acronym because . . . well because it is my blog and I like it better.  As you can see, we are on our way into a second post for the day.  My mind is in overdrive today and I am driven, no, compelled to put it all down on paper so to speak before my cranium ruptures.  Jokingly referring to myself as a "trophy" husband got me thinking.  There is a well know acronym out there among young men with regard to an attractive mother.  "Mother I would like to . . . ", well,  you know the rest.  I wondered if there is such a thing in reverse.  I would rather doubt this to be the case as women tend not to be as crass and despicable in their thought process as men are.  Not really wanting to test these waters with a Google search that would likely yield results that I wasn't ready to see while simultaneously contracting a computer virus that would cripple my fragile communications network, I decided to make up my own.  I went with FILTH.  "Father I would Like to HUG".  Hug . . . not Hump . . . I know some of you out there went HUMP.  Get your mind out of the gutter.  Like S.H.I.E.L.D, maybe my acronym needs some work.  I wanted it to be a sentiment that is typically American.  We come from a culture where the hug is a common greeting among friends.  Not this kissing nonsense the French have adopted.  They actually find the hug quite intrusive here.  I have always thought this to be humorous given the intimate meaning we Americans attach to our faces getting close to one another.  Pressing cheeks and making kissy sounds seems much more invasive.  I can give a dude a modified hug and keep it completely on the level.  No room for that with the cheek kiss.  Truth is, I am comfortable and uncomfortable with the cheek kiss all at the same time.   It is part of a warm greeting between friends and is completely harmless on paper.  You couple it with the weird grunt that I almost always find myself compelled to utter and it all feels a bit perverse.  Kind of an MMMM sound at the start.  I doubt that anyone notices, but I almost always have to consciously prevent myself from the sound anytime I kiss someone hello or goodbye.  The last thing I want is to convey some underlying meaning to this cultural tradition.  Force of habit I guess, for when American's get their faces close and kiss, there is almost always some underlying meaning.


Being a FILTH is a difficult job.  I don't think men lean toward affection naturally.  Being a huggy, squeezy kind of guy doesn't seem to come naturally to men until we are grandfathers.  Holding your Fathers hand and giving him a hug is unfortunately a fleeting fancy.  Kids outgrow this quickly, leaving us Fathers relegated to the casual handshake.  So, in light of the recent Father's Day holiday, I am bringing the hug back.  Hug your dad, he deserves it.  He may not like it, but he deserves it.  This goes for everyone.  Even if you are an attractive young lady and the man isn't YOUR father, give that guy a hug anyway . . . I promise he will appreciate it.  Ok, Ok, lets not get carried away.  We don't want a little innocent hugging to lead to the unfortunate mess I make of the French kiss . . . oh hell, I just opened up a whole different can of worms . . . I have derailed.  Somehow this went from an innocent hug for a deserving father to tongue kissing and exchanging dirty emails.  That's not a good color on anyone.  Ask your local congressman.  Honestly, with a name like Weiner, what did you expect?  The jokes are too plentiful and common to soil myself with, so I am taking the high road.


I believe we all need to be a little FILTHy.  Our kids need to know we care and that we aren't always unpleasant and unapproachable.  I reserve that for about 90 percent of my parenting, but on occassion I wrap my arms around by boys and tell them I love them.   If I am lucky, this is a gift that I can give my grandchildren, a father willing to give them a hug. So for now, while my kids are still young enough to appreciate it, they will indeed remain FILTHy Rich.  Ok, that about covers the disgustingly sappy sentiment for the day.  I have now contributed my fair share to pop culture, so feel free to spread this around through social networking.  I fully expect to find this on Wikipedia the next time I check.  As for the male version of a MILF, I will leave that to the porn industry to sort out.  Although, FILTHY Rich would be a great adult film title, and if any of you run across such a film, I believe I deserve some royalties.  As for me, I will do with a hug even though my wife says I am more accomplished at the French kiss than I give myself credit for.  Should I edit that out?  No, lets leave it there.  Sometimes it is nice to see my wife's pained reaction.  The look of disgust is priceless.  


My aching skull seems to have passed and I can rest easy for the remainder of my day knowing that the wealth of insanity floating around upstairs will not cause and involuntary explosion of my grey matter all over the kitchen floor.  I will catch up with you all tomorrow.  Oh, and if you were wondering about the S.H.I.E.L.D. reference, my youngest thinks he is Iron Man.  Take care and good night.