Day 31

Karma . . . yeah, I know that bitch.

Ever have one of those days where everything you touch turns into a corn flavored poopcicle?  That pretty much sums up the entirety of my day.  Too much alone time with paintbrush in hand and my favorite playlist pouring through my earbuds has put me in a relatively melancholic state of mind.  In my wife's opinion, most of my musical taste leans toward the mournful.  I would argue "soulful", but I guess that is a matter of symantics.  The truth of the matter is, she is probably right.  There is a storm inside us all and mine usually rages just below the surface.  Somewhere just behind the humor lies the rage and sorrow that keep me balanced.  There is a truth to be found in the fact that, more often than not, the court jester cries himself to sleep.  Someone once called me a "son of a son of a bitch".  That probably sums it up.  Like my father before me, there is a fire in the pit of my tender belly.  One that will never go out and if left unchecked will burn out of control, consuming everything in its path.  I really should thank him for this gift.  It is my most cherished possession and unfortunately the cause for many of my sleepless nights.  It is the thing that keeps me moving forward.  It causes me to fight, even when fighting is futile.  It is that constant obsession with pushing against the immovable wall that makes one passionate  . . . and insane.

See, I told you I had too much alone time today.  If left to my own devices, I will ultimately self destruct.  One of the things that this change in my life has taught me is to let life wash over you.  Occasionally one has to stop fighting long enough to let the story unfold, because believe it or not, unfold it shall regardless of your efforts to try and stop it.  Whether you are fighting or not, it will unfold as it is meant to.  So, if I believe that life will unfold as it should, why do I spend so much of my time fighting?  Pushing back when it pushes at me.  The truth?  Because I can.  Defiance is what makes us great.  The right to choose to be as arbitrary as we want to be.  It is the decisions in life that make absolutely no sense on the surface that are the most facinating and lead to true inspiration.  So, do me this small favor.  Do something this week that makes no sense at all.  Do the unexpected.  When everything and everyone says go right and there is absolutely no reason for you to go left, for God's sake turn left.  When you get there, just let things unfold as they are meant to.  If you can do these two things you will know what it is to live here with me in France.

The days monotony and misfortunes had me seeking soulful distraction and allowed my mind to wander to a recent question which was this: "How do you feel at this moment about what it is to be living in France"  The above written sentiment is the best I can do to explain how I feel.  I turned left when everything in my life was leading me to the right and now I stay quiet and let this life I have chosen wash over me.  I wish you the same fortune, for I am truly the better for the experience.  I promise tomorrow's post will be at least moderately entertaining and I apologize for the downer at Day 31.  Take care.