Ok, this one isn’t for the weak of heart, so if calling names and
wounded puppies make you cry you might want to look away. Remember, I lack an edit button and have been
frankly irritated for most of the day, so hold on tight for my next emotional
outburst.
What the hell has happened to the children of the world? Why suddenly is little Johnny so afflicted
with allergies? These days you can’t
send your child to school with a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for fear its
mere presence in the lunch room will afflict grievous bodily harm to the
weakling across the table. Ok, ok, compassion
is perhaps not my strong suit, but something has to give. In a “ I used to walk to school uphill both
ways without shoes in the middle of winter” moment, I lost a bit of my lady
like demeanor and let the eldest hear a salty dissertation on the perils of
childhood that doesn’t include lactose intolerance. There are children all over the world that
are afflicted with truly horrific medical ailments. Diseases that would make your toes curl. I have been fortunate enough in my life to
volunteer for a few years at a children’s hospital and the triumphant spirits
of truly ill children will be something that I carry with me for the remainder
of my days. Feel sorry for yourself for
a split second and a truly ill child will put you to shame. That being said, I find it very hard to concern
myself with the plight of neophyte parents whose biggest concern is that the
ingestion dairy products makes little Timmy a bit gassy. I just don’t recall this being a hot button
issue from my childhood. Perhaps it was
because all those children so afflicted had suffocated from a closed windpipe
before the age of 5 or maybe their parents simply didn’t care enough about them
to seek medical treatment for their “condition”. Either way, I don’t recall special
concessions being made to facilitate the hypochondria that seems so rampant
among today’s parental scene. The more
shocking ailment in my mind is this generation’s allergy to solid parenting and
a hard day’s work. They seem to prefer
to blame everyone but themselves for their children’s behavior and pseudo
medical needs and then ask themselves why their child is so unfortunate. Here is a novel idea Sparky, spend some time
reprimanding your spoiled shit of a child and quit coating their filthy little
fingers with anti-bacterial gel. When I
was a kid we dressed our wounds with dirt and ate bugs. We damned sure didn’t run to the doctor for
antibiotics every time we got the sniffles and you had to have damned near lost
and appendage before a band-aid was applied.
So, what in the hell has happened?
Has reverse Darwinism become the norm?
If so, I want off of this train.
We are somehow managing to work our way down off of the pointy tip of
the food chain. I dare not ask “what’s
next” because if this trend continues future generations will most certainly be
lost. I think of only one real
solution. This weekend, take Jr. out on
the town and let him lick the floor of a city bus. After a nice picnic lunch made from whatever
semi-edible items you can find out of the closest dumpster let them freshen
their breath with a little sidewalk gum.
That should fix them up new again and we can all get back to the more
important childhood issues, like . . .
oh, I don’t know . . . literacy.
To be honest, tonight I must stop while I’m ahead, as my dissertation
on childhood obesity is likely to alienate whatever readership I have left. If you want to hear it, by all means let me
know, but I think I have said my final words and counted to three. Oh, and for those of you that are wondering,
the title of this entry was inspired by a child my eldest went to school with
back home that was apparently allergic to all items listed. I didn’t even know you could be allergic to
corn. I always wanted to ask if it was
just off the cob or the popped variety as well.
The latter would sure make movies a drag. I myself like mine with extra butter and have
been known to eat the pieces I accidently dropped on the theater floor. See you all at my next sensitivity training. R.
1 comments:
I wanna hear about the fat kids in France.
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