Day 82 and 83

I've been considering words that begin with the letter "A"

Attitude, Anger, Addiction . . . The truth of the matter is, I have spent the last two days trying to work out an analogy to describe my personality and the way in which I work out my inner demons.  I came up with two that I am fairly fond of, so I will share them with you now.  I am like a Pimple and a Volcano.  Maybe I am like a pimple ON a Volcano, all I know is that over time the pressure builds and for the longest time the tempest within remains below the surface.  Eventually, however, outside forces push things beyond the boiling point and an explosion occurs.  In the analogy of the pimple, the ensuing goop that splashes all over the mirror is the culmination of a week worth of poking and irritating redness just below the surface of the skin.  Once the damn breaks and the puss springs forth, you instantly feel on the mend.  In the example of the volcano, the outside seems calm and tranquil, while inside there is trouble brewing.  Eventually the majesty of the tower erupts in a swirling sea of magma which destroys everything in its path.  Yup, that's me alright.  A volcano of a pimple . . . or something like that anyway.

You pair that with the physical maladies created by a severe nicotine dependancy and what you have is TROUBLE.  I am now completely "clean" so to speak.  Without a single vice in my life to lean on like a crutch, I have become one surly son of a bitch that I am sure my poor children will be glad to be rid of as soon as Mom returns from Paris.  My mood was so foul and my overreactions so frequent that at the end of the evening on Wednesday, I felt it necessary to gather my two young fellas and apologize for my behavior and speak with them both about addiction.  Though mine is slight compared to many, its physical and emotional effect are still felt by all.  The addict never suffers as much as those who surround him.  Those that love him are always the first to suffer.  I thank God that my addiction is only to smokeless tobacco rather than some other drug or alcohol, for I have seen the devestation that this can cause and I would not wish that on my worst enemy.  For now, my children must only bear the weight of a grumpy and demanding old man and they will have to endure this for only a little while.  They will soon enough have their happy go lucky Dad back and I will be free.

Now, I had an entirely different entry planned for yesterday and today both, but my mood and my demeanor have prevented the flow of possitive energy and thus I must leave you will this final thought.  If it weren't for the bad days, how would we ever know when a really good one came along?  Tomorrow shall bring a better day . . . this much I am sure.  Since the posts have taken a turn, so too has my musical selection.  I had something else in mind, but given the topic of addiction, I treat you to a song by Joshua James entitled "Tell My Pa".  This isn't my favorite song of his, but the topic is sobering.  No pun intended.  His stuff is fantastic and you should also listen to "Crash this Train".  Since it was observed that my musical tastes are a bit dark and because this post is a 2fer, I am going to post another song.  Without light, there is no dark, so I give you Garfunkle and Oates.  Their name alone makes me smile.  The song?  "Running with Chicken".  It will serve nicely as the negative to "Tell My Pa".  Enjoy them both.  Talk again soon.